Why I will always be missing something

Me and my soulmate reunited after over a year.
Hello's are so sweet, goodbye's so bitter.

I firmly believe that I live in a constant state of missing something. It's a natural thing, and it can't be helped. Before I left Egypt for Michigan, I missed my family so much it hurt and I couldn't wait to see them. I was counting down the days until I would be there. But at the exact same time, I was already missing my friends who were still with me! By the time I made it home, I loved spending time with my friends and family stateside, but realized I was already missing them even though they were right in front of my eyes. I could still touch them and I already missed them. Not to mention I was homesick for Cairo, and counting down the days until I would be back. I couldn't win. The problem is, there have been so many happy moments in my life, that I can't help but miss them and wish that I could have them all at the same time. I can't help but wish that I didn't have to choose.

If only I could go canoeing with my family down the Manistee River, and still watch the sunset from the edge of the Mediterranean Sea. If only I could stay out late at the cafe with my friends, drinking tea and laughing in the hot, Egyptian night, and wake up to a Northern Michigan sunrise and go jogging down the roads that I grew up on. If only I could talk for hours at my grandmother's kitchen table, and still make it back to my apartment in downtown Cairo in time to make dinner. If only I could hold everything important to me in my hands all at one time, but I can't. There's not enough room. And sometimes I get scared that there's not enough room in my heart. I'm not sure if it is even possible. Because sometimes I get so overwhelmed trying to hold everything dear to me close. Trying to stay in touch with everyone. Trying to not let anything go. Feeling guilty when I get distracted by what is going on around me and don't think about all the important things that have made me who I am.

I feel so torn between all the worlds that have built me up to be the person that I am today. As I sit in the Detroit airport waiting to board, I am barely talking to anyone. There are only so many "I'm going to miss you's" and "I can't wait to see you's" I can say until I just want to find the exact coordinates to the spot in the Atlantic between Kalkaska and Cairo, and just sit there in a rowboat and enjoy being exactly in the middle of my two worlds. Because then maybe I wouldn't have to choose. But I obviously know that isn't the answer, because then I will just miss everyone.

I think that the torn feeling will never go away. It wouldn't make sense if it did, because those worlds are always going to be important to me. It is a natural effect of being blessed with so many amazing people and incredible experiences. But I will continue to fight the feeling of missing things while I am in the moment enjoying things. At least silence it to a whisper rather than a roar. I will have forever to miss the happy moments of my past, it doesn't make sense to miss the moments of the present. It will take a lot of work, but I have to make myself constantly remember to enjoy what I have right now, to love the moment I have right now, promising that I will cherish the memories forever.